Tuesday, December 14, 2010



There's just something different about posting now. When we started this blog it was an update and info blog of what was happening in our life of CANCER. Then it became my musings, or whatever you may call them, about how life goes on after someone you love has died. Now I struggle with wanting to tell it like it is, but feeling like I can't. I don't really know how to explain it. I guess it's kind of like writing one's life story after it's all over compared to sharing all the nitty gritty details in the here and now.

So in follow up to the post from 10.6.2010, that I just now put on here...Yes...Depression, an ugly word that I didn't want to put as a label on myself. And yet, I did want something, some kind of answer that could help me understand why I just can't seem to become the person I know I can be. It's hard when people tell you you're strong but you feel so weak. I felt like I needed to be some kind of Super Woman, but I felt like I was struggling to get by every day, and it wasn't getting better. It was getting worse. I tried some medication, but it was a bad mix with my chemical make up. The good news is that I think it gave my mind a Reboot, so to speak. Things haven't turned around 100% but things are looking up.

The main reason I wanted to post today was because a dear friend sent me an email today with a link to this letter. I absolutely love the message this gives to everyone, but especially women. We are so hard on ourselves. Me included. The other day I was having a particularly bad day. Giving myself a pretty good beating from the time I woke up. When I saw my little bowl of Dove Milk Chocolates, I knew I needed one of those delectable treats, because chocolate is always the answer. Well I tossed the wrapper in the garbage not feeling like looking at the cute little feel good quote, but then I couldn't help myself and grabbed it back out.

Thanks...Kathy from TN! I needed that. Life has been tough. Life is tough. Others lives have been tough and are tough. We just have to keep going. Never give up. It's okay to have a bad day every now and then, and give yourself a break. But we can't give up because one day...okay sometimes 2, 5, or 30 days are bad. We have to pick ourselves up, get out of bed, put on a smile- and some clothes :), and tell ourselves that tomorrow is a new day! Never give up! Try,try again!

~Endure to the end.~

That is the one thing I will give myself credit for...I haven't stopped trying, and for now, I'm going to proud of that!


Downs Family said...

I am so glad you are back!! I think about you all the time and I hope you and your family are doing okay. I hope you can continue to feel better and know that there are many people out there praying for you and that love you and your family. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season! I love you Aunt Annie :)

Kim W said...

Got one of my favorite quotes from a dove chocolate..."Happiness is an inside job". Take care Marriane!

Anonymous said...

I read your blog all the way in Australia! Please keep posting! I hope you're feeling well on the road to recovery. X

Savanna Rodriguez said...

Aunt Marianne, You're such an inspiration to so many, me included. Beautiful inside & out. Sometimes its more of the perseverance, the enduring trudge through life, even when its gray, that makes one inspiring. I love you.

Martie Woodard said...

Marianne, so glad to see you back! I've missed your thoughts and comments. I haven't lost a husband, but I truly know how you feel. I have Mark's picture above my bed when he baptised me and my family. I thought of him as a son and he called me Mom. I truly miss him. But I know you are taking care of the kids and going on with life in general. Take care of yourself and don't be hard on yourself, you are doing GREAT. Love ya', Martie Woodard

David Haas said...
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