Feeling

I digress a little, because I really wasn't thankful for anything today. In fact, I was mad, hurt, angry, frustrated, confused but not grateful. I haven't been in this much pain since the day the doctor told us Mark had cancer. I think on that day my heart was torn in two, and it became frozen in time. I think I thought my heart was always going to remain in this frozen state of nothingness, but it was clear today that my heart is still broken to the very core. This was one of the worst days of my life and there's no explanation why. So as this day bore on and I was trying to think of what I could be grateful for in the middle of all this pain, I realized that at least I have feeling. If I can feel this much pain and sorrow then at least I'm alive and kicking. I know I have something of substance to contribute to the world. I have hope that this feeling will go away. I wish that no one ever had to have these kinds of feelings, but as long as the world keeps turning it's bound to happen.