{week of jan. 26 - feb. 1}

sunday - february 1, 2009

Superbowl XLIII - I've never been a huge NFL football fan, but the Superbowl is always different and since I live in Arizona now and the Cardinals were playing, I thought it only appropriate to host a little party. It was pretty fun if I say so myself. I had made some good food. My brothers were still in town so they came over for a bit before they had to go catch a flight. My sister and her family, my mom and Doug were with us to the end of the sad outcome of the game. Honestly, I wasn't too devastated. We finished up the night with a game of "Sardine's" which pleased Tessa greatly. She always wants to play it.

saturday - january 31, 2009

What a wonderful, beautiful day. This sweet woman, Rachel, was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints today by my brother. My brother's son & girlfriend, daughter & husband and my other brother & his wife were able to fly in from Utah. It was really fun to get together and celebrate. Hopefully, Rachel will be part of our family at sometime. She has the most amazing spirit. I just love her and I am so happy for her.

friday - january 30, 2009

I'm not sure why Lucas was so tired today. In hindsight, since that's when I'm writing it, he was coming down with a cold. Anyway, while I was doing bills at my desk, he crawled underneath by my feet. The next thing I knew he had fallen asleep right there. These are the sweet happenings that I never want to forget.

thursday - january 29, 2009

I called my good friend and invited her and her daughter to come to McDonald's for a lunch date. I remember having lunch dates with Patrick when he was about this age all the time. Lucas loves Mickey D's "hang-a-bers." That's almost all he eats. He's a tough one. You know, I'm not going to be able to have these lunch dates much longer, so I'm going to enjoy as many as I can. Notice these games consoles; they are the only play things in this POSH upscale Scottsdale McDonald's. I've never been in such a fancy fast food restaurant.

wednesday - january 28, 2009

I'm in charge of Activity Day's in my ward. We were putting together "Journal Jars." The girls had a lot of fun. They are so sweet. I love these girls. Notice Lucas on the floor; he's crying (the entire time) because he doesn't get a jar for himself. The girls were helping each other out and being sweet to Lucas. It was a fun night.

tuesday - january 27, 2009

Morning Hair! This picture didn't really capture it in it's beauty, but it was so funny that I had to put it in for the day. Between him and Chase, I've always got someone waking up with wings for hair. I'll have to catch Chase's sometime. Lucas loves these frozen Leggo waffles for breakfast.

monday - january 26, 2009

So I know this probably seems gross. I'm going to see a doctor to try and get my body in tip top shape. I haven't really been doing anything with my thyroid and it's most likely out of whack. This "spit" test will reveal something about what's going on with me, and it literally took all day so I thought this was the most appropriate picture for the day.

{week of jan. 19 - jan. 25}

saturday january 24, 2009

Today this package arrived on our doorstep for Tessa's birthday. My kids and I are continually blessed by the sweetest family ever. The Adamson's continually remember each of our kids birthdays. Look at this darling hat and purse they sent Tessa. Bill was Mark's best friend and he and his family have been so good to us. We love them and appreciate them so much.

friday - january 23, 2009

I bought a new toy today. I've been wanting to do this for a very long time. I love taking pictures and I love my little point and shoot for everyday, take on trips, throw in your purse kinds of photos. But I want to take better photos, and I'd love to become a photographer. I think beautiful photos are magical and I love when I can make magic. I'm going to be reading up and practicing a lot.

thursday - january 22, 2009

While we were staying at my brother's over the weekend he showed us this Christmas present he got. Laser tag guns. He had purchased a whole bunch of extra sets that he was going to take back. Well we took them off his hands, and the kids have been having a blast having matches. Until I pulled up this photo, I hadn't noticed that Chase's new church basketball jersey was the #10. It just brought a little tear to my eye. The kids all ask for #10 because that was their dad's number.

wednesday - january 21, 2009

I've met a guy that lives in Prescott. Lucas and I went up for a day date. I didn't take this picture, but it is Thumb Butte. I found this gorgeous picture online. Doug had pointed it out to me when we went into town for lunch. I actually held up my thumb, and I could see the silhouette was the same. My plan was to take the picture myself, but clearly I didn't. After lunch we were going to go feed the ducks and see if we could find snow and let Lucas do some sledding. As we went to lunch we could tell Lucas was not feeling well. He fell asleep on the bench and didn't even eat. When we left I could tell he had a fever. Once we got him some Tylenol he got feeling so much better, and was bouncing off the walls. It was great day.

tuesday - january 20, 2009

On our drive home during daylight we passed through this area near Palm Springs with all these windmills. I've heard about this valley that has so much wind that they've built all these windmills to gather energy from the wind. Not only is it a grand idea, but it's really a spectacular site as well. It's usually been dark as I've driven through this spot, so it was fun to see this phenomenal place.

monday - january 19, 2009

It was a hard day, but a good day. As we waited in line and then rode "Soarin' Over California" the tears came freely. I could picture Mark sitting there watching the kids with pure joy on his face. He so loved this ride. Disneyland was a good place to be on this day. I think Mark might have smiled down on us a few times. Like at the end of the night when Lucas surprisingly decided to go on "Splash Mountain" three times, or as he watched his three children comfort and love their mother through a trying day.

It's a crazy world

In 3 days, Mark will have been gone from this earthly life for two years. I'm taking the kids to Disneyland, so I won't be able to write on that day. So I was just thinking about that night and what happened. I don't remember a lot of details. I do remember the sounds coming from Mark as he began to breath slower and slower. The sound of his heartbeat as I laid there next to him. The sound of the machine that gave him medicine. The sound of voices from those around me, but none of them distinguishable. But with all those sounds that I can remember, I remember that is seemed so quiet. Maybe that was the peace of the comforter. It's not a memory I like to call up. I don't even remember where Lucas was that night. I don't know if he was in his bed or if someone was watching him. I remember the kids had all gone places earlier in the night. Then somehow I knew, I knew he was dying. I called the kids home. I vaguely remember that they might have been angry with me. They didn't understand why I was calling them home. I know I told them why, but I'm sure it wasn't sinking in yet. I'm not sure I/we had prepared them for what to expect. I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't ready, but I'm not sure we ever are. I wish I could go back and do so many things over again. I wish Mark could talk to me now. He helped me stay calm and level headed. I told him I could do this. I told him I would be fine. I didn't want him to worry about me and the kids. This is not easy. I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but I wish it could be more simple than it is. I'm fine. In fact I'm better than fine, but sometimes I just start thinking and sometimes I just need to put my thoughts down in words for my very own self-help therapy. My just thinking posts are going to be very random sporadic moments where I can just type my thoughts without a whole lot of editing. I think it will be good for me. I will ride "Soarin'" on Monday with the kids in your memory Mark. I think of you often and wish you could answer some heavy questions that are on my mind. I love you.

{week of jan. 12 - jan. 18}

sunday - january 18, 2009

Tessa is 10!!! It was so fun today. Tessa got her birthday badge as soon as we got there and the entire park is very aware of these. Everyone was telling her Happy Birthday all day. She got to choose where we ate for dinner. She got to ride on Thunder Mountain with her Uncle Chad. This picture is of her getting a special phone call from Goofy wishing her a Happy Birthday. I hope she'll always remember this special birthday.


saturday - january 17, 2009

Great first day at Disneyland. It wasn't very crowded at all. We did have a little adventure however on the Thunder Mountain Railroad. We were just coming around to pull into the station when everything stopped. We waited for just a minute or two before we saw the workers sending everyone in line out. They told us the ride was closed and turned on some work lights. They came to our train and row by row got us out of our cars. We had to wait until everyone was out and then walk back to the station on the path. We had it easy being so close to the station, but some people had to hike from way back in the ride. I wonder if anyone was on a hill in a climb or something. We never did find out what happened. It was a cool memory though.

friday - january 16, 2009

We drove to my brother's house today after school. He is so generously putting us up for four nights. It's so fun to spend time with him. He's so thoughtful and selfless. My kids just love being around him and love when he comes to the park to ride the rides with them. In passing I mentioned how much I love the Sweet Crisps from the Corner Bakery Cafe. Guess who picks some up for me to have the next day for breakfast. Love you Chad. Tomorrow...Disneyland.

thursday - january 15, 2009

Look at these cute new glasses. Finally, she can see! They were a lot worse than I knew. I feel so bad, because I thought for awhile she was just wanting to get glasses because she thought it would be cool. I did take her to an optometrist a year ago and he didn't think she needed them then, so in one year it's gotten pretty bad. Maybe she's taking after her dad. Isn't she beautiful!

wednesday - january 14, 2009

I'm surprised we haven't experienced more of this. The kids have been outside constantly over the last 2-3 weeks. Riding bikes, scooters, electric jeeps, etc. I'm not sure what happened, but Lucas was pretty brave with his first major road burn. He wasn't very happy that I couldn't wipe it all away, and he didn't like the big bandage I put on either. He cried more over wanting the bandage to be removed than he did over getting the scrape. Always an adventure.


tuesday - january 13, 2009

I took this picture challenge from Becky Higgins. She is the creative mind behind "365" and she took a picture of herself in the rearview mirror of her car. I was running around in my car today a lot. Running errands with my mom and sis. Running my sis to pick up her car. Running Lucas home. Running back out to dinner. Driving back home. I love where I live, but if I want to go anywhere, I'm definitely going to be driving for awhile. So this is me {parked} in my car where I spend a lot of time.

monday - january 12, 2009

After school, my friend asked if I wanted to join her and her kids at the park. I invited my two friends from my neighborhood to come as well. I just can't get over how great it is to go to the park at this time of year. I LOVE IT! I even laid out earlier and got a line. Can you believe how awesome this is. I love all these new memories we're making.

{week of jan. 5 - jan. 11}

sunday - january 11, 2009

I told Lucas I would make cookies after church if he would be a big boy and sit down during sharing time in primary. He is having the hardest time. I haven't made cookies for the longest time. I think I've lost all desire to be domestic. Needless to say, the kids had a blast and the cookies were the best cookies I've eaten in a long time.

saturday - january 10, 2009

So, it was finally time to take down Christmas. Okay it was overdue time to take down Christmas. The kids were awesome and we had it done fast. Chase was the "He" man and put that heavy tree in it's box and lugged it to the garage by himself. It's so great that he can do that kind of stuff now. Tessa was gathering all the little stuff from around the house while I packed up the Rubbermaid containers and stacked them back out on the shelves in the garage until next year. It's sad when Christmas is over, but there's something very therapeutic about putting all the decorations away and cleaning up to start fresh. (Even if it's not the first of January.)

friday - january 9, 2009

My dad got a new hip today. He was looking great and not in any pain which was awesome. Unfortunately, the next day after the spinal block had worn off, the pain set in pretty bad. I hope they can get it under control and help him sleep too. It's hard to heal when you can't sleep. It will be so great for him to be able to get around better in the near future. He was really suffering with a lot of pain before the surgery.

thursday - january 8, 2009

G-ma Mary gave the kids this great little kit to do the Coke with mento's explosion experiment. Many neighbors gathered in our circle to watch this grand display. It was over and done with in a matter of a couple of seconds. I was lucky enough to capture the fountain at it's highest point. It's pretty amazing to see the photo. The real time event was over too fast to really enjoy, but the anticipation was fun and I'm sure we'll try it again sometime.

wednesday - january 7, 2009

First of all, how hilarious is this. Could he get any closer to the television. Tess and I were dying. Second, Lucas in a top and unders only has been a common site over the last few days. He got "Big Boy" underwear from Santa, and he put them on Christmas day and had a very successful day for someone who hadn't been at all interested in trying out the potty. Then we digressed and went back to the diaper quickly, but yesterday as we took Chase back to school. (He had walked home after a lock down was over. There had been a shooting nearby earlier that morning, and the sheriff's office had told the district to lock down the nearby schools.) Lucas was very upset he wasn't "going to school" with Chase. I told him that he had to be wearing his underwear and going to the bathroom in the potty before he could go to school. It's been going great so far.

tuesday - january 6, 2009

I was getting ready for a date when I picked up my favorite lipstick - Maybeline #50 Pink-a-boo. I have been using this lipstick for 20 years. I remember wearing it in class at BYU before Mark and I even dated. I try lots of other colors and I mix them all up to create new colors, but this color has been a staple in my makeup bag for a long time. When I realized this fact, I just had to document this funny tidbit of my life.

monday - january 5, 2009

I promised the kids I would take them to spend their Christmas money from G-pa Ray and Margy. Tess got a motorized scooter, so she could zip around with the other two girls in our circle. Chase has gotten re-excited and interested in Lego's. Now, however he builds them and sets them up to display on his shelves. It's pretty fun to watch him painstakingly put these large models together. Lucas of course wants to play with them, and Chase is pretty generous at letting Lucas have a little playtime with the "big ships."

{week of dec. 29 - jan. 4}

sunday - january 4, 2009

I drove Patrick to the airport this morning. It was great to have him home for such a long holiday break. It was sad to say goodbye, but he's excited about his next semester classes. Lucas became a SUNBEAM in primary today. He's so young. It's going to be a challenge for his teacher in sharing time, but I think he really enjoyed his class time. I had to bribe him to keep on the crown for a picture and to get him to smile. He's such a pill. The oldest and the youngest. Amazing.

saturday - january 3, 2009

Just funny little things the kids do. Lucas got that big box of Goldfish from Santa, and he's willing to share, but he doesn't want it to be taken away. I had told him he'd had enough, so the next thing I know he's hiding back in this little spot shoving in goldfish as fast as he can. Chase was bored as we were waiting for our food at the restaurant and came up with this trick, of course Tessa wanted to try it after that. I just love all the things kids do that bring a smile to my face.

friday - january 2, 2009

Met some friends at this dance studio and learned the Cha Cha. After the lessons they had a dance, so we could practice. It was a blast. I also got to dance some East Coast Swing, and the Ma range (I've never done that last dance before.) It was a blast. Then we went to the Single Adult dance after that. I was dancing for almost 4 hours straight. I LOVE it!

thursday - january 1, 2009

Geocaching (or treasure hunting) is our new family hobby. At least Santa is trying to bring that about. The big guy gave our family a GPS, and today we tried our first hunt. It was a two leg hunt, meaning with the first coordinates we found a clue to the cache. That bolt on the left is a magnet, and the second set of coordinates were on the back of it. It took forever to find. It was on a pagoda at the park with about 50 bolts on it. So cool. Sadly we couldn't find the cache at the final coordinates. We had a picnic at the park of crackers, meat and cheese. Threw the football, kicked the soccer ball, and basked in the sun. What a great way to spend the first day of the new year.

wednesday - december 31, 2008

First, we saw more of our friends from Draper today. It's so good to see our old friends. It makes me a little homesick. Have I already said that. Second, we went to see this movie "Seven Pounds" because we love Will Smith, the previews made it look good, but let me just say this is definitely not the "feel good movie of the year." I was definitely happy to go out dancing for the New Year and get my mind off that story.

tuesday - december 30, 2008

We enjoyed a tasty mexican feast and birthday festivities for sweet Gabby's birthday. She and Tessa are friends and Gabby's mom has become a dear friend of mine. I feel very lucky to have her in my life. Friends are the icing on the cake.

monday - december 29, 2008

This is why I live here. The sun was hot, the sky was beautiful and the company was fabulous. Our friends from Draper came through AZ for a quick visit. It was so wonderful to see them, and luckily the weather cooperated. We got together a couple of times. Today we were able to go to the pool and lay in the sun in the middle of winter.

{365 days}

365 is a new challenge about taking a picture a day for an entire year and journaling about to attempt documenting your life everyday for one year. Now there was a scrapbook kit that I was going to use to do this. It was so ingenious that it got me excited about it. Unfortunately the entire scrapbooking world was just as excited and the kits were sold in less than two hours I believe. They are going to try and make more, but I'm afraid it's going to take awhile to get them, so I decided I'm going to do it right here and now on my blog. I'm actually a few days in to this new challenge/scrapbook project. I've been taking the pictures, but I haven't been journaling. I started my year with Monday, December 29 for purposes of keeping one full week together on the scrapbook layout. I'm going to follow that format mainly because I love the pictures I've taken so far. I won't necessarily be posting everyday, but I am going to attempt to take a picture everyday, and journal about it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

It's going to be a good one I'm certain.

To those who care, and I'm not really sure who most of you are, but some have asked, this is what I've been up to since my last post. The quick and easy version.

The cruise was awesome. I couldn't have enjoyed myself more. I went with my sister and there were four other friends as well. The six of us had the wildest fun 6 non-drinking righteous women can have. And let me tell you it was fun!!!!












We had a great Christmas. Tons of time playing, relaxing getting together with family and friends. We were lucky enough to see two families from our home back in Draper. LOVED THAT!


Last but not least. Insanely enough I thought maybe it was time to get back into dating. Right out of the starting gate I had a horribly crappy experience!!!!! Gullible and naive me thought that men of this dating age were actually mature, decent adults. Little did I know that scum still exists. It's baffling, but maybe because I have so many amazing people in my life that are honest and kind, I just assumed that most of human kind were that way. You know me, I haven't had enough crap in my life, so I go out and find more. Seriously though, I guess I did learn something valuable. I loved Mark more than life itself. I didn't plan on ever dating again in my life, partly because I didn't believe I had the capacity to love another human being the same way. I learned that my heart still had the ability to feel something. Clearly there wasn't a love to the same degree that I loved Mark, but the fact that my heart was broken, meant I had allowed it to feel again. I also learned that I hadn't grieved about losing my best friend and lover when Mark died. Those things go by the wayside and become so unimportant. I was trying to be strong for Mark, so he wouldn't have to spend his days worrying about our welfare. I was being strong for my kids. Also at that moment in time and since I had complete faith in the atonement and the belief that I will see Mark again, so I only allowed myself to think and do as if all was well. Now, move ahead to meeting someone online. You start talking to this someone. You share things with them. They share things with you. It's comfortable. You feel like you have a friend. You ook forward to talking with someone and sharing thing with them. Then you finally meet in person and still feel comfortable and you feel all silly inside because someone likes you. You want to hold hands. Communication, friendship with a guy and touch is an amazing thing when you've been without it. Having to lose this new found joy in such a cold, abrupt and mean way, just opened the floodgates of grief for me. I was angry with God, angry with Mark, angry with this guy and angry with myself. I know God doesn't MAKE things happen to cause us grief. He does, however, allow natural events to run their courses and sadly His children are hurt in the process. I prayed fervently to understand why I had to cross paths with this human being who has no regard for another. I was angry that God would allow this to happen to me. And all of this comes from one simple thing - SILENCE: the dead stillness of no sound. I'm not sure I will ever understand.

As usual once bucked off, you must dust yourself off and get back upon the horse. I went to a Single Adult New Year's Eve Dance and had a blast. I danced nearly every dance, mainly because I was doing the asking. When I was tired of asking, I'd go dance with the big group of girls who aren't getting asked either. Guys still stand around and don't ask. Are you kidding me? Are we not old enough to stop with all the games? I have to give a few guys credit for having the guts to come ask me to dance.

One of my resolutions is to keep up with my journaling. It is a release for me. I like having my history. I want to do this for me. So many things have happened that I don't remember, and that makes me sad. I resolve to make the time to journal the moments that move me and even some that don't.

So much for my sentence above about the quick and easy version. I guess I had a lot more that needed to get down in words.

Just Me